This week I finally have had the courage, thanks to dear friends to break, what is a 44 year relationship with a family member and I was heart broken to have done so at first, but now I feel happy and more relaxed and yes finally free knowing that I will not have to communicate with that person ever again.
As with many of my blogs, I write them in the hope that someone will read them and it may be help them in some way or another, or educate someone who does not understand and yes if I am honest as self therapy.
I have tried writing this a few times now, because how do you describe someone that leaves or tries to leave you with nothing but a shell? Then the word parasite came to mind, that is something that feeds off you and once you are no use to them, and it has grown big and strong discards you as if you are nothing.
In nature, a parasite is just doing what it has to do so to ensure the survival of their off spring, there is no forethought, no emotion, it just does what it does and that's it. The human parasite is an all together different creature there is thought in what they do and they know what they are doing right from the start.
The human parasite is hard to spot, because they seem like the rest of us and for a while they may act like the rest of us, but don't be mistaken, this is a very dangerous creature, perhaps the most dangerous one of the lot. Human parasites come in all forms, males, females, children, siblings, husbands, wives, you name it, they are there. They come from all walks and classes of life.
If not a blood relative, then they will show a "loving side" to make sure that they get ensconced in your life and often your home. They are charmers for how else would we be fooled. Make no mistake these are not loving, but opportunists and you are about to become their host. If you are a blood relative they have a ready made host and sooner or later they will begin their "feeding" at your expensive and by that, I mean in all possible ways.
This parasite, will always have an excuse for their behaviour. A poor past, abuse, a medical condition, a disability, none of which is true. For they have no morals, no depth to which will not stoop to. As it is very unusual for people to lie about these things we accept them at their word, often ignoring any "alarm bells ringing" which are silenced by our loving them.
Dividing us from our loved ones, is another tact they use, for our loved ones might not be as blinded as we are by them. Rarely is it a full on attack on the loved ones, as that might be too dangerous for them, but just subtle hints and subtle innuendoes about them. It is better for the parasite if the loved one lives away and you don't have much contact, because that makes it harder for you to check the truth. It is not just your loved ones they also attack their own "loved ones" and blame them for all of life's ills that the parasite has had (supposedly) all of which is a fiction.
If, you've had a drink, then you are a drunk. If you have a faith, then you are fanatic. If you've had past relationships, their break downs was your fault. If you share memories, then you are living in the past. If you have shared traumatic experiences with them, then you talk about them all the time to gain sympathy. If you've ever had mental health problems, then you are weak and feeble minded. If you have any health problem, you're a hypochondriac. They on the other hand, are strong and stable and have "helped so many others come through them with their expert knowledge".
If you are unfortunately living with them, you may find yourself in debt, when you've not been before, as they take control over the finances or try to do their excuse being that you don't really understand how things work and how to control the money, even if you have done so in the past, things have changed now and they are the expert trying to protect you from being robbed ! They like to use the word Expert a lot. If you are lucky enough not to live with them, then they will say if you give me your bank details I will kindly look after things for you.
As the parasite "grows" they will start making more and more demands, like what they want to talk about and what you aren't allowed to talk about, how they wish to be called. Cunning enough to know when they might have pushed too far they back off and then say the meaningless sorry and blame whatever condition Dr Google has come up with when they've been searching for another disguise. Or they may say the want to "build bridges" and use terms of endearment. They know full well, that they still have an emotional hold over you and that we all don't like to give up on those we love.
There is a pattern with the parasite and that is when things are going their way and you are doing what they want then they are "loving" , but as soon you don't "play ball" with them their true character comes out and it is not nice. It really is hard to understand how another can be like that, I can't tell you how to understand it, because I don't.
The Parasite, relationship is quite simply a very dangerous and abusive one. It does not matter if it is a family member or a partner the same is true . While it might not be a psychically abuse one, because the parasite doesn't want to leave evidence, it is more dangerous, because it is an emotional and mental one. Yet for all their supposed superiority, these ones leave evidence of their work in the form of text messages, emails, or other internet activity not thinking for one moment that you will keep them! Emails and text messages, are particularly useful evidence as they come from them and it is very hard to fake them or not trace them back to them.
The Parasite will drag you into a dystopian reality where your truth is a lie and their lies, are truths. If they don't know something then they invent it and it becomes part of this dystopian reality. I will be honest it is hard to cope this, because most of us aren't this way.
However the Parasite has one weakness that is their ego, the ego that thinks they've so much control over you that you will accept anything they say to you or write to you, because you are too weak and feeble to know otherwise. Talking with others, I know this is a pattern with the parasite and how they finally show us what they are and that is THE LIE THAT YOU KNOW CAN NOT BE POSSIBLY TRUE AS YOU KNOW THE TRUTH!! My parasite did this and further they did not know that I could prove the lie to be just that and that was my "Light bulb " moment. Others might experience things slightly differently, it might be an event that exposes the parasite, but a lie will be combined with it.
I imagined the parasite that I had like the creature bursting out of the belly in Alien and it goes on a rampage afterwards. For this is what it does and the best thing you can do is get away from it. I know that if you are living with it, it might be harder to do and I am no expert on how to do it - just do it and get yourself a good lawyer and gather as much evidence that you can. Be prepared for real nastiness, expect that other members of their family will turn on you, because the parasite will have made you to be it and them the innocent party. That is their final thrashing around, the parasite doesn't like to lose, but you need to win. I was lucky, my parasite doesn't live with me and all they've done is communicate via phone text and email. While they tried to have the last word, by saying I knew you would do that, I replied with my own copy and paste (from my favourite film actually) I am happy to have been of service !
I have been trying to look on Google to see if there is a possible explanation for the Parasite or what would make some one become one. As much as I have tried, there isn't one a far as I can tell, may be a combination of personality types or what? You could go round in circles trying to find an answer, because surely there must be? Then as well all know, there are some murderers, that just kill and there is no reason for them to do so, those who do so are said to do so "in cold blood", so perhaps this is how the parasite acts "in cold blood". There is no explanation, they JUST ARE WHAT THEY ARE. It is my firm acceptance of things and it is not a religious one at all that in the end, one way or another we all answer for what we do in life. I honestly think that it is just a matter of time, before the parasite we faced, will meet their karma or fate or justice or however you want to call it.
I want to end this on a message of hope. Once you've escaped your parasite and gone through the emotional back wash that this has on you, you do feel great inside. The knowledge that you will never have them that close again is such a relief and better than having a shit after a week of constipation. If in a relationship, you may have to have to contact, while going through a divorce for example, but only through and with a 3rd party present and now you have control not them. They are gone for good and never again will they have the same hold of over you. Forget them, as they will forget you, for they are already on their next victim or victims.
I really don't know if this makes sense or will help anyone, perhaps in the end it is just my attempt to logicalize to myself what is an illogical personality and relationship, but then I like to have things neat and tidy. So thank you for reading my ramblings and may you always have real love in your life.
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