Fellas we need to talk about WEE

The title of this blog has been inspired by personal experience and it got me thinking why the hell we fellas don't talk about wee and problems down there? 

Okay, if you are a fella when was the last time you talked openly about problems down there, apart from to a doctor, if you have really had to do so? Be honest, I never did and accepted that as I grew older then I would experience dribbles  after I went to the loo and that was that, just part of growing older and nothing to worry about. 

The thing is we have a thing called the Prostrate gland which as we get older it gets bigger and that can cause us problems by doing so which we need to be aware of and most of us aren't. https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/prostate-problems/

Further reading can be found here https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/prostate-enlargement/

Now it could be that as it gets bigger then we might need to wee a bit more, but if this is the case then perhaps this page here could help https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/urinary-incontinence/

Another link https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/smelly-urine/  also offers good advice on things.

 We also need to be aware of bladder problems if we have problems with our wee, this might mean we have a bladder or even kidney stones.

I have had kidney stones in the past and they are very, very painful and so I have taken as many precautions that I could to prevent myself from getting and I would suggest that it a good idea for others to take a look at ways of doing so.

Previous to my passing my last stone I really didn't take any notice of the fact that it was taking me longer to wee and it would take a few times until it completed nor did I really take any notice of the fact that I was dribbling a bit afterwards until my wife mentioned it and I became aware of the smell. I just thought it was me getting old and normal.  It was only after I passed the stones that things really changed and I had to look at things. 

Accepting that I had a problem with the dribbles I sought a solution, one was to put toilet paper in my pants, which didn't work as it just got soaked. So then I thought I wonder if there is such a thing like Tena Pads for men and there is, but not that you'd know it as there is a total lack of advertising here in the British Isles, not sure if it is the case elsewhere in the world, https://www.tena.co.uk/men/products others do them as well but you have to search for them online to get them.  These are fine, but personally I found them uncomfortable and a bit pricey.  So I thought what about the pants they show ladies having surely they would be a better more comfortable thing?  Yes there are and I found them in my local supermarket and recently in my local chemist as well and they cost less than £10:00 and often just over £5:00 for a packet of nine I think it is.  These work wonderfully and are comfortable to wear and don't leak and you just dispose of them in the bin after use. No smells and no leaks. The only thing you need to be aware of is that it can be a bit hot down there so make sure that you shower regularly and don't use perfumed soap in that area. I also found out that there are https://www.boots.com/safe-and-sound-extra-unisex-urine-bottle-1-litre-10167304 for the times you can't get to the loo, which also make it easier to check the colour of the wee ( Mine actually caught a stone which I had passed which I wouldn't have known about if I had used the loo). While not shouting about them, they do make life easier and less worrisome for me.

Having found one solution, again taking the advice from the trustworthy NHS site shown above I started taken buferons also known as Ibuprofen to try and ease any swelling down there which may have been caused by the stones and the prostrate.  I also took notice of the colour and the smell.  It was only when the pain when I passed water didn't stop that I went to the Doctor and after having a talk and being checked out, with a urine test I got some Antibiotics which are helping to clear up what is an infection - more information on them can be found here https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/antibiotics/uses/ if these don't work then I will go back and see what other steps can be taken to help.

I know this is my personal journey, but it made me think, why didn't I know about pads and pants for men when they are advertised for women?  Are women more open about these problems or is it just a sexist thing that we have have to hide the fact that men suffer (and suffer is the correct word) from the same problem?  

So fellas we really need to talk about wee, we need to get rid of any macho ideas about it not being a thing to talk about, IT IS A HEALTH THING THAT IS ALL and really it is not something to hide away like it doesn't exist. I was surprised when I started talking to other fellas about it how many of them were going through similar problems and how common what I thought was just me isn't. We need adverts to help us get things like the women have so we can get them if we need them.

So come on fellas let's talk about wee, because we really are stupid if we don't.

 

 

 

Toyota C-HR 1.8 VVT-i-icon A real life review

 We are lucky enough to be eligible for a Motability Vehicle, because of my disabilities and recently came to change from our wonderful Hyundai Ioniq, because it was too low for me to get in and out of as my hip is now very painful and so I needed a higher car, that is higher from the ground.

As with most people our starting point was to look on line at the Motability web site and then look at the reviews of the cars that were available in our price range as well as asking friends what they thought of their car. 

We were torn, between a VW and Kia and a Ford, so we went to the Ford/Kia dealer and the service there was terrible so we walked out without actually seeing any of the cars. We then went across the road and looked at a VW from another dealer/Motability centre. We liked it, but weren't sure and came home to talk about things as well as contacting Motability to see if we could end our contract to change cars. Having been told we could do and other things,  we went back to the VW dealer to sort things out. 

What happened next was a complete surprise as the person we dealt with Ian, told us that the VW wouldn't at this time be practical for my needs and suggested a Toyota, which I could sit in to see how easy it was for me to get in and out of. It was very easy for me and Ian then allowed us to have a test drive in one, similar, but not the same as we ended up with, to see if it really was practical. To cut a long story short it seemed to be, so we went ahead and ordered one. The one we ordered and now have is the Toyota C-HR 1.8 VVT-i-icon.

Now if you were to take notice of the reviews on line, you could well be put off it, but even our son who knows more than we do said it was better in real life.

Okay it is not going to win any awards for tech things inside, but how many things do you actually need and use,  being our age we don't need or use most of them and we don't need sat nav, living where we are (you can connect your mobile for that stuff) . We do miss not having the beep beep reversing thingy, but the rear camera is good and for the most part all round vision is very good which we weren't expecting from the review, not perfect but nothing is. 

The boot is great with more than enough space for us and what we will carry in it and should I need it, it would take a folded wheelchair.  

The back seating area, is small and not really good for a family in all honesty, but that doesn't bother us as it more like a parcel shelf.

The front seats are great, while there isn't much room in the cabin as a whole, we haven't had any problems and the vision in the front is very good.  I have found the seat to be very comfortable and I am able to get in and out of my side easily.  We both found that being able to connect our mobile phones to take telephone calls great. 

Being slightly higher up, I found the views in the front very good, far better than the Hyundai and from a driver's point of view my wife tells me that it is better seeing when coming to junctions. 

There is no lack of power given the 1.8 and battery engine thingys and over taking is easy as is going up the Sloc and the Mountain. Slightly noisier than other cars, but not that much and after a while you don't notice at all. The electric motor part cuts in at low speed more often than it did with Hyundai and as most of our driving has been small journeys and around town,  we are averaging about 60 miles to the gallon which is only about 7 or 8 less than in Hyundai which was very good on MPG, but again these figures depend upon how you drive. We also have found it is better with road noise due to the 17 inch wheels.

My wife tells me that it is a delight to drive, as she doesn't have to think about doing so with it being fully automatic. At night the lights dip automatically, (although it didn't at first and doesn't always recognise tail lights if they are further away) which is one less thing for her to have to do.  

You do feel very safe in the car and it is hard to explain that, but you just do as you know it will protect you.

In real life most of us aren't going to race around in our car and all we want is a good reliable one which the Toyota C-HR is and it is a bit different to others on the road and I think it is very stylish as well.  There are a few in the range and each has slightly different specifications, which you can find out about from the Toyota web site.

So to sum it up, it is good if not great car, good for many Great for me and if you are the motability scheme and are not ready to go fully electric or plug in hybrid then this is well worth considering.

 

Hidden Disabilities Please take note of our Sunflower Lanyard

As you read this, you may even be thinking, if he can write this well, he can't be disabled. Please note this is a written communication written over days, via a computer with a full spell checker in place and via a machine and not in person.  

No one wants to really admit that we are less abled or differently abled to what others are or what we used to be like. Yet many millions of us are and we have not really had a voice, because we just don't seem disabled! 

I know I am not the only one who has through the years not be able to cope in situations socially and in other areas of our lives, which many others take as being just a normal part of living. I know that I am not the only who in truth cut down on what they do and would have rather been called depressed, rather than face things which are hard if not impossible for us to cope with. We are the missing millions from society each one of just trying to get through each day. It really should not be this way and it should never have been this way.

https://hiddendisabilitiesstore.com/insights/category/invisible-disabilities is a great site to visit if you have what is known as a hidden disability and for others to learn what they are. You can also purchase  a SUNFLOWER LANYARD WHICH IS RECOGNISED INTERNATIONALL AS A SIGN OF SOMEONE WITH A HIDDEN DISABILITY. I have done this and I have a card attached which gives my name a contact and a contact number as well as any special needs on it. My wife who is also my carer has a card which is A CARER CARD showing she cares for someone with a a hidden disability. 

I took the step of of getting these, because the older I became the harder I have found it to cope and because, quite honestly I was fed up explaining or it having to be explained when I was having a meltdown and not coping. It was also for me another step forward of being honest and saying, yes I have a disability/ies that make my life hard. Now I have the Lanyard I personally feel more confident when going out that people will take note that things might not be as they seem.

I really wish that I could say that my wearing my lanyard has meant that I don't no longer and let's call it as it is prejudice, but I STILL DO  and I know that this is the experience that others face as well.

If you see someone with the Sunflower Lanyard and don't know what it is,  please ask if we are able we will answer you, or if not then our carer will. 

If you have a hidden disability and don't yet have the Sunflower Lanyard, get one, let's get as many out there as possible.

Please people take note of our Sunflower Lanyard,  we wear it for a reason and that reason is not obvious it shows we are DISABLED  in some way or another and NEED extra help or understanding. PLEASE GIVE US THAT UNDERSTANDING WHEN DEALING WITH AND PLEASE REMOVE ANY PREJUDICES THAT YOU HAVE - WE DIDN'T ASK TO BE DISABLED IT IS JUST WHAT EITHER WE WERE BORN WITH OR WHAT HAS HAPPENDED TO THAT HAS MADE US THAT WAY OR A COMBINATION OF BOTH. 

My MHKs first 3 Months since the General election

 It is now 3 months since we had the General Election and I thought I'd take a look at my new MHKs which were elected then in Arbory, Malew and Castletown. 

Tim Glover

A  first time MHK, I supported and voted for Mr Glover during the election, so have been watching how he has been doing. 

In his manifesto he was very clear that he wanted to get things done and not only be a listening voice, but a vocal voice for the area and for every one.  Right from the start it has been very clear that Mr Glover has been both these things and has stuck to his manifesto as much as possible. My personal contacts with him since then have been about 50% , but then I have to take into account that I am not the only one who has contacted him and he and his wife both have had Covid 19 and at the time of writing are still recovering. Covid 19 has, however seemed to be a bit of distraction for him at the moment, but I don't really think it will be too long before he's back on track.

Mr Glover has remained on twitter which is good and has linked to facebook which is also good. On a national level, he has been on most of our media outlets. 

A good start then.

Jason Moorhouse

The returning MHK, who I called the worst MHK I had ever known and didn't vote for in the Election.  I was not the only one with that opinion at the time as most people I spoke to also thought the same.

I wonder how much notice Jason took of what he was being told, because he seems a very different MHK now, more confident and I have to say has asked questions that I would like to know the answers to. Like Mr Glover, he is also sticking with his manifesto and not being put off from doing so. 

Such has been the change in Mr Moorhouse that I emailed him and said I was sorry for giving him such a hard time when he called. I since have contacted him again and received a reply. 

I know Mr Moorhouse has been very accessible locally  and certainly has been on facebook , I just wish he would take to twitter, if only to link to the facebook page so more people could know what he was doing.

Media wise, again Jason has been very visible.

Mr Moorhouse has really surprised me in a good way this time and I hope he continues to do so.

Final thoughts

Both Mr Glover and Mr Moorhouse have made great starts this time around and it would be petty to say otherwise, disagree with some things yes, but be fair about it.  Both have asked questions that personally I would like answers to and I like the fact that they both have our southern community interest to heart and are drawing attention in a way that was perhaps missing for sometime.  

It will be interesting to see how this works out, but from what I have seen thus far, the electors got the best people elected.  So perhaps all Mr Moorhouse needed was another person with whom he could work along side here, which perhaps he didn't have last time.

I shall keep updating this and it will be interesting to see how my thoughts change. 

Windows Verses Linux an update

 I was looking back on my Facebook memories from just 3 years ago and saw that I was praising Linux against Windows at the time, but here I am 3 years later using Windows. So I thought I'd give an update on things.

3 years ago I was using a Laptop that came with Windows 8.1 on it at first, which let's be honest wasn't Windows best as it replaced the much loved Windows 7. This I replaced with Windows 10 as soon as it came out and really didn't like it at the time, so I went looking for an alternative and ended up looking at Linux and ended up with Linux Mint, because it had the familiarness to Windows 7.

This you can see here. 

The version I used was 18.1 and after a bit of learning I found it good and went onto use the 19 series of Mint. I mentioned learning, because you have to learn how to download, make a disk image and then how to get it to load into you machine.  All of this can be confusing at first. Once you have done this you then have to go through the first install process to get to the desk top.  That is not the end of it, because once you get there you have to do things to get it to work. Yes there are forums and help available, but to be honest, looking back it was a right pain to do it. Once you have done so it is very useable, really I can't complain about that at all. Well there is the nagging updates and almost constant or so it seem requirement for backing up. While you don't really have to do them, every 6 months there are newer versions to upgrade to, while this is okay to do, again it is something you have to learn how to do.  While using Mint, the basic desktop remained the same and began to look like something that was very, very dated, which I found boring. 

The main problem that I encountered was that Linux couldn't keep up with the hardware,  particularly those which you use to connect to internet. There wasn't any way I could do it and I tried many many ways and different types of Linux and none worked. I really think that most people would give up at this point, because the reality is that all we really want is a system that works without our really having to think about getting it to do so.

The image above is the latest Windows, Windows 11 which I am now using and I felt only fair to compare with the latest versions Linux that I could find.  In this picture it shows the taskbar assignment in the centre of the taskbar, but you don't have to have it there as you can put it on the left where it has always been if you feel more comfortable with it being there. 

Most Laptops come with a version of Windows on it, but if you don't have a laptop with then if you have a friend with it on, then you can use Windows Media Creation tool (found on the official Windows site) to create a bootable USB, which you can then use to install Windows 10) I don't think earlier versions of Windows are available still. You also don't need to any other tools to create the disk. After that the install is easy and if you switch on your printer then 10 will install that at the same time.  Before long you will have a ready to use system.  

Comparing the updates, well Windows tends to do monthly updates, which means you might get a lot in one go, but really it doesn't matter as you can carry on using your system and chose when to restart to complete the updates. 

Since 5 October Windows 11 has been available and if your laptop is able to take it then, you will probably see a message about checking it out using the health check tool. Once this passes, if you go here, https://www.microsoft.com/software-download/windows11 and use the Installation Assistant you'll get 11 without losing any thing you already have on 10. Once it is complete you will see the layout above in the picture, however you can change the taskbar (and other things) to be on the left which is easier for most people who've used Windows for any length of time. I personally like there so have moved mine there.

CONCLUSION

3 years ago, after a lot of learning,  I chose Linux Mint as my main operating system and at the time I really liked it, but that was before I changed laptops and broadband. Since then Linux, any of  the many, many, Linux operating systems, haven't really caught up with the changes. In my opinion all of them look like something we would have used 20 years ago not now. I am not surprised that hardware manufactures often don't have the drivers for Linux, because it really isn't worth their while to do so. With Google now having Chrome Operating System and Apple having its own, no matter how much Linux fans might think otherwise, it will never have the number  of users that either of those or  Windows has. 

3 years later, I can see big changes in Windows, it is as if Microsoft has been listening and learning and has as result improved to give us an operating system in 11 that I think is going to be as much loved as 7 has been. 11 is just great, easy to learn (not that there is much learning needed) and very, very usable.  With built in security, you don't even have to worry about that really. It goes without saying that hardware and their drivers are readily available so it is just a matter of plug in and go.

On every count I personally think that Windows (in the real world) wins and that Linux can't match it. None of us really has the time to have to learn how to do things, we just want something to switch and work every time, not be nagging at us. Windows is free as much as Linux is free so that argument against it is no longer valid. Every Operating system tracts you and those who think they don't they do, just like every browser and every web page, if they didn't then they wouldn't know who was using them with out the statics. You can only to a certain extent limit this. The much vaunted security of Linux, well every operating system is not 100% secure and 11 now comes with built in activated security. 

You get the picture of what I am trying to say.

Windows verses Linux which one wins - for me it has to be Windows 

EMPTY CHAIR I wrote this in 2016, for our empty chair now sadly there are many more empty chairs

EMPTY CHAIR

Each year we lay your place

as we used to do

get your card

your present to

Each year we wait to hear

your voice

to see your smile

just waiting your hug

the one that took our breath

away

yet all there is this and every year

is an empty chair where you should be

we’re told time is a healer

it makes it easier

but that is not true

for all we see is not you

but an a empty chair

where you should be

for those missing loved ones this time of year

©merimaat 2016

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The Narcissist,'s accidental gift.

 The Narcissist,'s accidental gift. Strange title you may think, but this is a follow up on the post I wrote on 12 October 2021, when I said goodbye to them.

The Narcissist, (who is called Tiernan, although he might call himself another name, by now and I really don't care what he calls himself,) that was in my life and sadly in the life of another for far too long until we all realised what they were, has accidentality left me with a gift that was totally unexpected by me, but one that I am very grateful for now. 

The one mentioned above, collected things to explain who they were and to enable, or so they thought, them to get away with things. This is like the Hypochondriac collecting and imagining illnesses they may have. Both use the internet and Dr Google or whatever internet search engine they use to make their collection and to act out the things they learn from it. If one thing doesn't work then, try another. Now some may fall for them and be able to be convinced by them, that they are this that or the other, but there comes a time when they come across some who actually have/are/have experienced the things that the Narcissist claim to have and they are seen through for the actor they really are! The other thing that the Narcissist does, is push one who loves them to breaking point so they no longer can or want to love them.

I went through the "recipe" that the person above made for themselves and reflected on each one by my personal knowledge of them, my experience of them, the impressions they had made on others and by their own words. The only thing that I could honestly say after they had is probably dyslexia, but everything else they had added on, on, on,  and they probably will continue to add further things on. None of the additions made sense, or held up to any real scrutiny.  I had wanted to hit back with my findings, but then they wouldn't have taken notice of this, in their words "weak" man and I would only be playing their game and I really don't like games. However it really wasn't a wasted exercise as it made me realise things about myself.

I am on the Autism, spectrum, something I have known for years, but have only recently started to mention. I don't know any other way to be and to be honest it has never really been something I have even thought about as being a disability as it has given me more than it has taken away, if it has taken anything away.

I do have M.E. something I have bored others with so many times. Yes it does really impact my life, but so what I am alive.

I was abused and I have told others and written about to try to help myself and others come to terms with the trauma that brings.

I have panic attacks, but I get over them.

I had tried too hard to be accepted and to fit in and sometimes still do. 

Rather than having to boast to the world (which I don't think I have ever done) about having helped others and boasting that I am very, loving and caring, others have told me that I have helped them and have told me the latter. 

Then I thought to myself, fuck it, I am fed up with collecting labels, okay I might be as weird as fuck and a fat old grumpysaurus, but you know what I quite like being that and what is more others seem to like or even love me.  

This led to the further conclusion, that all the negative things in my life were actually positive things!

So Mr Narcissist, your attempted assassination of me and every thing I am and stand for has back fired because I have realised I am happy being me and thanks and all that, but I don't need your approval.

Your accidental gift as it is for all of those who have been in any relationship with a one like you, is that you give us, us. Not that you will understand that and really we don't care if you do or don't. 

I really wanted to end this with the knowledge I have about the Narcissist, that however is some thing for their mother to be honest about with them about as I am past caring and my time with them is over.