A STAR - BIG SIS SUZI
MY STAR
HAS LEFT MY SKY
TO CONTINUE HER JOURNEY
ALTHOUGH I DIDN'T ALWAYS SEE
HER
I ALWAYS KNEW SHE WAS THERE
SHE WAS MY GUIDE
WHEN I WAS BUT A CHILDE
MY LIGHT IN THE DARKNESS
WHEN NO OTHER SHONE
NOW IN A FLASH SHE'S GONE
NOT FOR EVER
FOR THAT COULD NEVER BE
JUST NO LONGER EARTH BOUND
IN THE CONSTELLATION GEMINI
IS WHERE SHE'S FOUND
FAREWELL SUZI
BIG SIS
FOREVER MY STAR
LOVE
LITTLE BRO
KEVY
©️Kev T Brown 2024 - for Suzi
On 4th of September 2024, Andrew Winston Murgatroyd , known as Andrew Winston Ostle, died as the result of, as we found out heart failure. He had been missing for a few days and concerned neighbours called the police, who then tried to enter the home and were prevented from doing so until some of the piles of rubbish had been moved. Andrew was found in the bath semi-naked as if he'd been trying to wash himself, no one will ever know why he was that way or what he had been doing in the bathroom when he breathed his last breath on earth. He was, just 76 years old and would have been 77 years old in November, by which time all of his remains and belongings which have been removed from the house and his ashes ? Who knows where they will be, for on 23 September 2024 his corpse will be burnt at the crematorium at an unattended ceremony as none want to attend. Then nothing will be left of him and his time on earth and all the will remain of him is the memories of those who knew him and were left to sort out the selling of the house and all the other bureaucracy that goes with the death. Soon even that will be completed and like billions of others Andrew will never be known, or perhaps one day some one might look and see his name on some search engine for some reason or another.
I knew Andrew in life, that is I met him in person, perhaps a few dozen times in the last 29 years, because he was the ex-husband of my wife. Having broken with my ex-wife I had some empathy for what he would have gone through and over the years we tried to let him be part of our extended family for the sake of the boys. I did not particularly like him and he tried many times to cause friction so we stopped inviting him to our home for a meal. If it had not been for this relationship, I would not have had anything to do with him, because I did not think he was very likeable something so many others have said about him.
Aly was relieved on hearing of his passing with very good reason as even after all these years the last time he was here visiting his son, he tried his same old tricks with her and she became fearful of being left alone with him, particularly in any small spaces like the kitchen at Darren's garage. The abuser had not changed in any way and without me being around thought he'd get away with it once more.
The sad thing is that Andrew had a long history of being "odd" and nasty long before Aly met him and none in his family really liked him or loved him apart from his grand mother withwhom he lived for the first 3 years of his life. His youngest sister, still has a love for him, but not a like.
From what we have heard, far from being heart broken at Aly leaving, after the initial shock of her doing so, he had the happiest time of his life, able to do what he wanted, when he wanted and all of his money to himself. This seemed to fit in with what he once said to me about Aly and I quote it, "I no longer had a use for her and you do" which is a very strange thing to say.
So now Andrew has left and no matter how many chances he had to change to make a good life for himself and others, he never did and now has no more chances left.
A death brings so many questions, that are impossible to answer for do we ever really know a person? There are so many whys and wherefores and what ifs about the life now gone. There is also the greater sadness of knowing that ultimately the person who at one time had everything most people ever want in life rejected them all and died the way he did leaving others to clear up his mess one final time.
The death certificate has been issued and the bill for the cremation will be the final acts of his life apart from those other legal details and once those have been completed it will be as if had never been here just like those other billions of souls whose names and faces and lives we will never know and that ultimately is the fate of us. When we are born we are given the first of many numbers and when we die the numbers are all that is left of us and that is really sad, as it is the reality we all face.
Kev T BrownI am now into my second month of using Sure IOM after changing from Manxtelecom and so I thought I would do a blog about my experience.
SURE INTERNET PAGE
Sure has branches elsewhere so you need to put in Isle of Man to get to the correct site if you live here, once you do that, just bookmark it to take you back there. The page is orange and the writing is white on that colour, other wise it is the usual black and white. I found it easy to navigate around and the information is clear and easy to understand. There are the usual sections, advertising products and services, again these are clear and easy to understand. There is also a very clear FAQ section and the site also includes how to contact. Once you have a MySure account, log in is easy and this section was by far the best of its type that I have used as it is, those words again, very clear and understandable. I congratulate Sure for this.
SURE SHOP
If you have never been into the Sure shop on Strand Street, it is worth taking a look at. From the point of view of a disabled person it is more welcoming and better set out than the MT shop. It is well lit and the music level is okay. The information desk or welcome desk is centrally located and each time we have been in some one has been on it to welcome you. As you go in the desks are located on the left hand side and this is where you get customer service in the shop, this also leaves plenty of room for those who need to look around or wait to be served to do so. As I am Autistic I like the fact that the noise levels are not beyond my coping range and there is, on times that I have been not too much visual things on like televisions. I further like that information is clear and leaflets well displayed and within reach and they are easy to understand. The reason why I am mentioning this here is because I feel that if you don't feel comfortable in a place you are unlikely to purchase from or use the services they provide. I need to add here, that as it can get very busy it is advisable to try and make an appointment with Sure as this will save you from waiting. We were lucky as it was early morning, I did however notice that others had done so and were advised to do so.
MOVING FROM MANXTELECOM
After I had shown my latest bill from Manxtelecom, they showed me a "bundle" which would include the same internet speeds at home as well as mobile internet to a certain limit and the same mobile calls and text messaging that we had with Manxtelecom, but because they were shared (the mobile bits) it meant they were within my budget.
I went to Manxtelecom to see if they could match what Sure had proposed and while the person we saw was okay with us, they really didn't seem interested and said that the deal they had would be a lot more. After finding out that we were free from our contract and that we had a lot of credit on the account, I thanked them and left to return to Sure to ask if we could set things up to move across to them.
CHANGING OVER TO SURE
It does take about an hour to move over to Sure as there is a bit of "paper work" and other things to do, so be prepared for that.
Rather than being "pushed" into something I was impressed that the person helping listened to what we thought we needed, our price range and our need to have a standing order. They then, showed us the correct match for us which we were delighted with. After that we went through things, which included keeping our telephone numbers (which were "ported" changed from MT to Sure Service) and being told we would get a new router for the home internet which would arrive in about 10 working days (it actually took less than that to do so.
Once the mobile telephone numbers had been ported over, (as you can chose to keep your telephone number or get a new one) which due to MT took some time, due to the response from MT to the text message for the port, we had new sim cards put in and these were tried to make sure all was okay with them.
Naturally we had to provide proof of identity, bank details and the last bill from MT to show the state of our account. So just be prepared for that.
We were also told that due to the date of our changing over that our first bill would be higher to take into account of that (so be prepared for it) and that after that it would be as we agreed on signing the contract which was for 2 years, with an increase each year aligned the RPI which is similar to MT.
This was a lot easier than I expected and a lot less. stressful as well.
INTERNET CHANGE
We received an email from SURE to ask us to inform them when we had the MAC Code from Manxtelecom, so that when that was here we could connect to the internet using Sure not MT. The router from Sure arrived within a week of it being ordered which was a surprise. The MAC code from MT came a few days later and I sent an email to Sure informing them of that fact so that the change could be done.
The only problems that we had with this were due to Manxtelecom, cutting off the internet without warning and nothing to do with Sure. With the help of a nice lass, we were able to get the internet back up running and what is more thanks to her help, rather than the connection being something complicated she guided us into having a better connection and password for that, something MT had never done.
CUSTOMER SERVICE & HELP
Through out the whole of this process the Customer service given by the staff that we had dealt with has been great. Perhaps a little bit more training on Hidden Disabilities as I need a bit extra time to understand things, but that is only a minor thing. When I have asked a question it has been answered by the person I was dealing with at the time which impressed me and I have told others how great it is. As an example; I could never remember my mobile number from MT so I went and asked about changing it and the young lad I had helping me said it wouldn't be a problem and we went through a few numbers and I now have one that I know and is easy to remember. There are other examples I could give, this one however is enough.
BILLS
I have set my bill to come through email as I always do with my bills. I have just received my first bill and as expected it was larger to take into account when I moved across from Manxtelecom. I used to find that the MT bill could be quite confusing, this bill from Sure was better set out with each part of the usage and costing highlighted. The type face used, for me was also very good and I think it would be for anyone who has sight differences. I particularly liked that the help section was included in the main set out and you don't have to hunt for it.
SINCE MOVING TO SURE
Internet at home: The internet at home has been very good, I am getting speeds better than I ever got with MT and I have tried it at various times of the day.
Mobile: No problems with making or receiving telephone calls while we have been out and no drop out either.
Mobile Data: I am new to using this, with help from the team at Sure I have been able to use it again without any problems.
CONCLUSIONS
I really hate change and only do so if completely necessary at to do so there is also the fact that I am extremely loyal to businesses, so it was hard for me to even think about making a move away from Manxtelecom. To be fair to them some of the staff, particularly in billing have been very good and that was one of the reasons why we remained with them. With some exceptions, the shop staff have not always been the same and lately it has been 100% of them who are 'just doing their job".
So now we come to the difference that Sure is. As the store is the first point of communication, the staff need to be good as that is the first impression you have of the business and the people in it. Our experience with them has been very good and that has meant that when I've been unsure of things I didn't feel uneasy about going in to ask for help. The store staff have always been very kind and patient not only with me, but I noticed it was the same with every customer and I also noted that customers were dealt with quickly, without being rushed. Everyone we have spoken to have had the same impression.
On the telephone, which has been my other point of contact has been excellent, unlike my recent experiences with Manxtelecom, there is a "joined up" approach and the people I have spoken with have been very kind and understanding of my disability and have kept "tech- terms" to a minimum for me. The problems (not caused by Sure) that I had with the internet connection was dealt with so well I was actually smiling as I told others about how good it had been.
To balance I would say that perhaps a little bit of training on dealing with disabled people, particularly with Hidden Disabilities, would make things a bit better as some staff didn't seem to take that into account. Then you can not expect perfection can you?
Before we moved to Sure we had asked others what they thought and each one of them, said it was worth doing and they had had a good experience with them. There was little negativity about them, which is why we went into see them and ultimately why we have moved across.
So would I based on my experience honestly say to another to move to Sure? My answer is yes, I would do so.
Hello, I am Kev and I am Autistic and I have been all of my life. I have not suddenly, become Autistic through some vaccination or caught in along with Covid or via a blood transfusion and neither have the aliens who came down in their space ship given it to me (in fact after I bored them with my fascinating facts about earth and the many life forms on it they phoned home and told others of their kind not to come again). I didn't even get it when I visited Yorkshire which will surprise many!
So why I am I typing this blog now? Well I have recently came across the term "masking" and have realised that, that is something I have been doing all my life which is very wearing to continue doing and I have reached a point now where I can not any long do so as my health (mental and psychical) suffers too much to the point where I have considered taking my life. Surprisingly enough I have also discovered that there are others like me, those that some would never believe or think of being Autistic who are Autistic.
Let me get one thing correct right away. My being Autistic does not change anything about me at all and it is just part of me that much as my being a male grumpysaurus is part of me.
Few people have seen me in full "meltdown" and some who have, have just thought it was a really bad temper, not what it was. I realise now that these meltdowns have happened all of my life, because I could not cope with the sensory overloads. I now have the ability and the time and the love of my wife to help me to avoid as much as possible the overloads and when I can not, the time to rest (sleep) until I recover. It doesn't always work and I still have "meltdowns" and will do so all of my life.
I am not going to give a long list of things, as others do about their experience of being Autistic as each experience is different and Autism, as I have found out is as individual (or effects) as the person. Oh and yes I have had that said to me by non-autistic people who think they know about it - nice words, just trying living with it!
My acceptance of the fact that I am Autistic has taken a long time for me to do, as I did think it was a mental illness, which it isn't. Nor have I "jumped on any bandwagon" I really am terrible at jumping as I always leave one leg trailing ! Nor am I trying to gain anything from another, as this is mainly me trying to talk to me and saying " well we now have all the pieces together don't we after nearly 69 years".
I really don't know how to complete this, as being this "open" is very strange to me as it is not something I am used to being. It is "freeing" and frightening at the same time and I don't know how to explain it otherwise. Some that I have already told, have, I think been kind and accepting and have even gone as far to say, "that explains a lot" and then have just treated me as normal. My Aly just accepts me as her Kev, the way she has always done, which is what I need and my understanding is that all of us who are Autistic just want to be accepted as the person we are not the sign we have.
SO I AM KEV AND I AM AUTISTIC -
-how not to fit in AN UNAPOLOGETIC GUIDE TO NAVIGATING AUTISM AND ADHD by Jess Joy & Charlotte Mia - the capitalisation here is mine not theirs.
The opening of the book starts with language that I do not like and continues throughout the whole book. It is not language that I like to see or use that often, I personally found that uncomfortable every time I read it. Nor did I like the facts of being told that I didn't need to read it all the way through (I read every book all the way through including the references and index) or to my horror that I could damage the book by turning down the pages and even worse write in the book! All of this possibly tells you more about me than it does the authors and there is a part of me that understands that to others these things wouldn't matter and I am probably too old and "set in my ways" while a younger generation it would be okay to have all of these things included. Nothing that I have written here should "put you off" getting and reading the book in whatever manner you wish/chose to do so, for it will not be a waste of your time or your money.
The book is written in 3 parts. Part1: Neurodivergence Discovery. Part 2: What Happens Next? Part 3: Navigating Neurodivergence. Each part has sub-division chapters, none of which are too long and all of which you can take your time to read and think about. Each Part concludes with a Workbook which is something I liked, although I never wrote in the spaces provided, as others might wish to do so. I personally found that there was something I could identify with in most of the chapters in all of the sections, I would suggest that most people will do so, if not about themselves, certainly about a loved one, relation, friend, or someone they work with, or just know even in a minor way.
The authors include their personal experiences which again others will probably identify more with than I could, although even here I found similarities to my own experiences. What is very clear from these shared experiences, is as the authors state, we are all individuals and while we might "fit" into a certain category none of us the identical "blue-print/one size fits all". The shared experiences also highlighted that we all learn to navigate our own way through things, sometimes successfully, sometimes not, this is why I think it is important to read theirs, if only to pick up a tip or two, or to "say" I have done that or I do that. Although it is written by lasses, that doesn't mean that lads should feel excluded from it, while the experiences might be different, there are a great deal of similarities.
CONCLUSION
Autism or Neurodivergence, whatever term you want to use is still great misunderstood by everyone although that misunderstanding now not as bad as it was, but there is still a long way to go and this will really help clearing that up. I was left feeling that I wish that there had been something like this when I was far younger than I am now, if there had been then perhaps my life and my journey would have been easier and rather than that weirdo with the temper, the difficulties that I faced and still face now would have been understood and I would have been understood and have understood myself better and have been able to have navigate my way through life and situations far better than I have done and still find hard to do.
This is the first book that I have read of this type, so I can not judge it with it along side other books which are written similarly. I think that is a good thing and I also believe that this book is the one that. all should start off reading.
On a personal note, I would like to thank the authors, not for the swearing, but for writing this book in such a way that most will understand (even if with the help of a dictionary) and say well done lasses for this book which has helped me in ways I was suspicious of thinking it might do and am pleasantly surprised that even this old grump still has much to learn and to do.
I would not have normally purchased any book about the "Royal" family, yet I purchased this because I had watched the events of His Majesty the King, as they were televised since the death of his mother HM the Queen. While I had grown up with the Queen, she was more of my parent's generation not mine and the King was more of my generation.
The book is at times, quite "heavy going" with the amount of detail that it goes into, which might put some people off. I wasn't really interested in the HM the Queen's coronation as it took place 2 years and 3 months before I was born. However, reading through it, I was surprised about some of the things I learnt of which the most surprising of all was about Winston Churchill ! Having had time to reflect I understand why the Queen's Coronation was included as the author clearly wanted to show the differences between the Queen's and the King's and how different, but similar they were.
It is clear that Mr Hardman had access to many people while writing this book as he quotes them in their own words, which means he was trusted and is trustworthy.
There is a lot of "myth busting" and "corrections" in the book which I found particularly interesting as it really did show what we think and what we are led to believe might not and probably don't have any foundation in fact.
Reading through the book, I found myself with a greater understanding of Queen Camilla and have done a 100⁒ reverse turn on my views on her and her relationship with the King, which were mostly formed by what I thought was true as the only real knowledge of her that I had was through "media". Rather than the "wicked witch of the west" the Queen is shown to be a loving wife and support to the King, his "rock" and his best friend. There is so much more than I have the space to write here to discover in the book, so it is worth getting just for this.
As for the King, this book reminds us of the many, many things that he has done during his life-time. I was surprised by how many things he has done and continues to do now he is King. The picture that comes through is of human, not just a royal and that I was most pleased about.
In summery
I really enjoyed this book, more so when the focus was on the King and Queen, but even those parts that are"boring" aren't really that boring to stop you from wanting to carry on reading the book all the way through. Would I recommend it to others to read? I have no hesitation in giving the answer to this question as yes, I would.
